Women could be as intelligent as men, but phisically we’re still weaker than them. That’s exactly the reason why the risk of getting abused quite big. Patriarch Culture which exist in most culture int he world, even if there is already a lot of improvement at many level in many countries brings possibility of getting a physical, verbal and even mental abuse which could bring enough destruction to women’s life.
So we need to be a ware of it and know where to find help wherever we live, especially because we may not always live around our family and our loving bestfriends.
Even if we do, they may not always be able to be there when we need for some reason. However, the existence of friends is always important, especially for people like us who live abroad and please don’t limit your selves by only searching friends from your own community, because it’s not always possible. Friends are friends, whoever they are, whereever they come from and what kind of religion they have, they could help us and will care about us in some way that we couldn’t imagine sometimes.
No matter how loving our partner may seem, there is still a possibility that people change, and our evaluation could be wrong as well, so even if we think that our partner is our best friend (which shouldn’t be wrong either ;)), but to have our own friend is never bad.
No matter how many tips we’ve learnt, and how careful we are, mistakes could always happen.
Tidak semua sifat abusive bisa dilihat dengan mudah pada awal-awal hubungan. If a partner from our own culture, own country, with the same religion and have been together quite long could still deceive us.. then of course the risk with a partner mit whom we have had a long distance relationship or with a really short premarital relationship is much bigger.
So we must inform our selves as much as possible about the law system related to mix marriage, the culture, and women/children protection system there before we decide to move out to another country.
Networking is of course very useful as well.
Here are some contact number and adresse of the women center in Eurepe, Australian and USA that you can call, whenever you have the problem or you know somebody who need help:
1.http://www.apwcla.org/
2.EUREPE:
http://www.hotpeachpages.net/europe/europe1.html#UK
3.Germany:
http://www.caritas-spenden-berlin.de/62147.asp
http://www.frauennotruf-saarland.de/
http://www.saarland.de/SID-8C11419D-4EED6EF7/3295.htm
http://www.frauen-info-netz.de/
4.France: http://www.counsellinginfrance.com/whereto/violence.htm
5.South Australia
-Government:http://www.sa.gov.au/subject/Emergency%2C+safety+and+infrastructure/Safety+at+home+and+in+the+community/Domestic+violence
-Ombudsman nya Gov. Australia. http://www.ombudsman.nt.gov.au/agencies/domestic-violence/ -DV Resource Centre Victoria http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Domestic_violence_why_men_abuse_women?open
– http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/domestic-violence-getting-help
– info ttg Crisis Payment buat yang mengalamin DV.
http://www.womenscouncil.com.au/centrelink-crisis-payment.html
– http://www.hotpeachpages.net/auspac/aus1.html
6.USA:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm
Please don’t underestimate this, it doesn’t have to be your own problem, it could be someone you know and you may safe their life with information that you have.
Sometimes women want to hold on in this suffering for some reason.. but please just be rational:
1. Love never hurt, Love should be a gift which makes us grateful, and not cry. When your love makes you cry over and over again.. then you should reconsiderate again if it still worth to keep.
2. Money is not everything, don’t scare of future. People in women center could help us to show how to survive. Even to fight on court for our right. Life may not be easy, but we’ll survive if we really want to survive. But if we give up, then it’s really the end. And it could be the end of your children too.
3. There are many asian women who do not want to walk away because of children, it’s not right.
Unhealthy relationship between parents will never be a good home to raise children. Imagine what kind of teaching you give them with those kind of family living, you will only give them a negative influence in their life, a trauma could kill hope and beauty in their dream of future, i mean.. dream of a real love.. i say could, doesn’t mean always.. but you should be aware that the risk is quite big. And last but not least… how can you raise them and keep them happy if you finally die, because you couldn’t find enough courage to safe your life and walk away? If you die, you’ll lose them anyway for a bad father.. but if you fight.. you still have chance to save them..
Don’t worry, if you have made your children indonesian passport as well, then you could ask a protection for your children too from our government. Without indonesian passport, you have less right to bring them home, so don’t underestimate your own passport. You never know when you will need them. If you still decide to keep it, then we should respect it. But if we’re no longer indonesian anymore.. it could be more simple… cos we’re living under one law. It would be complicated if we’re still indonesian, and we do not follow the regulation and do not concern enough about it. Cos there is a danger that we couldn’t bring our children with us if something bad happen. We never know what happen in the future.
No law will give children to abusive parent. You just need to have a case, of course a legitimate case and you’ll get them. But if you contact the authority at the right time and with the correct reason, i think you’ll have good position on court.
So, if you find this terrible situation.. seek help, you can’t solve it alone. And neither does your partner, even if he wants it. People who are abusive are sick, and they need help.. if they really love,they will agree to seek help and cooperate.. but if they don’t.. then they deserve the punishment.. the vistims deserve a new life.
Fight for your life and your happines..
There is NO ARGUMENT of violence, no matter who do that or where!
Courtesy of: All friends who have been also active in this discussion in Komunitas Kawin Campur
If anybody has an additional data, please contact me, so that i can update our document. Thanks.
Kobold Jawa 